did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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