I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
