The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
