16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize