All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
