It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
