I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
