THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
