Are we in a gay sports bar?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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