I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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