I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
