just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize