the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
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Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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