You work out of a Hotel?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.