Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.