In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag