Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times