You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
