Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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