I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
