You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
