I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
