Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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