There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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