Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
