Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
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