she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
