Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
