Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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