I wish I could punch you in the face.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
