dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
