WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
