dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
