I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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