Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
