So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
