yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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