we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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