saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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