How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just tell him i said nine months
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
