Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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