A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you still have your period?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
