Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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