she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
