Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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