Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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