I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize