I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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