so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
