he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
