Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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