haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
bring money and cleavage
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
