i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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