I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
