Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
