i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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