she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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