So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
