Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
