My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
