Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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