Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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