i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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