either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
