fuck your aforementioned shoe
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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