oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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