can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
