Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
